Gangguan Penyesuaian

Perempuan, 22 tahun dengan keluhan utama lemas dan mudah capek sejak 3 minggu lalu. Sejak 3 minggu lalu, OS merasa lemas dan mudah capek. Lemas dirasakan terutama pada punggung, membuat pasien terlalu lelah untuk duduk dan hanya mau berbaring. Pasien masih dapat berjalan jauh. Pasien mengaku mengalami gangguan tidur. Selama seminggu pasien mengatakan sulit tidur, namun bisa diatasi dan saat ini merasa terlalu sering tidur dan cepat mengantuk. Siang hari sudah mengantuk dan berkali-kali tertidur saat diskusi maupun kuliah walau malamnya sudah tidur cukup. OS juga merasa tidak bergairah untuk melakukan kegiatannya sehari-hari, kurang nyaman dengan lingkungan sekitarnya, dan mengalami perubahan suasana yang membuatnya selalu murung. Pasien adalah orang yang gemar menonton di bioskop namun menjadi malas untuk bepergian. Ia hanya ingin tidur di rumah. Pasien mengaku sering melamun dan menghabiskan waktunya di depan komputer berjam-jam tanpa melakukan sesuatu yang berharga. Nafsu makan meningkat, pasien tidak peduli dengan berat badannya. BAK semakin sering, membuat pasien curiga kena infeksi, memeriksa lab, dan minum antibiotik selama 3 hari. BAB tidak teratur, tidak menentu, kadang seperti mencret, kadang normal, kadang susah keluar. Sakit perut sering dialami, waktu tidak menentu, terasa mulas.

Tiga minggu lalu, pasien ditinggalkan orang yang disayanginya.

Dream

Last year, when my Oma was hospitalized for about 3 weeks, I kept praying to God, "Please heal her, give her at least another 2 years, until my graduation." And I used to imagine the day I would graduate as "Dokter", I would wear my robe, along with the hat, came into Oma's room, and told her proudly. "I'm a doctor, Oma!" And she would smile happily as I was the only grandkid so far who followed my grandpa's and mom's career. I replayed the scene over and over because she was the motivation I still survived in this study. As the time goes by, I imagined two scenes, one is for my "Sarjana Kedokteran" graduation, and the second is what was mentioned above. The script was the same, I was preparing to wear the robe and the hat, I surprised my Oma in her room and of course, she would smile... widely... as she used to do everytime I opened her door.

Last month, when Oma was hospitalized for the last time, I kept praying to God, "Please heal her, give her some time, at least until my uncle's arrival (which was the day she died)." And we tried so hard to keep her alive. We told her that my sister would return from Malaysia (6 days before), her sister would return from Australia (5 days before), I would graduate (1 day before), and surely, my uncle's arrival - which was too late. Anything to give her more strength, more motivation. And I would never imagine that in the day that I graduated as "Sarjana Kedokteran", the scene would be totally different. With only t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops (as I had washed my hairsprayed hair and make-up face) and a bag of robe and hat, I would enter Oma's room in hospital. I wore a mask, smiled to her, hoping that she was conscious, but she was sleeping with her mouth wide opened. And I would never imagine that that day, I would take a picture with her in an unconscious state. But that was happened. And I want to punish myself because when she woke up, I didn't tell her that I had graduated, that I was "S, Ked." then. Because if I had told her, MAYBE... she would be happier and stronger, facing the day after, waiting for her beloved son. And of course I would never imagine that that was the last time I saw her alive...

People said that I had to let her go and I told them I did. But as time goes by, I kept tracing back her symptoms, what must be done and what mustn't be done. It was really hard to let her go, sorry... it IS hard to let her go.

For Oma

She's a fighter...

He left her due to cancer

Then she fought her best for her 7 kids

And she succeeded

She's a fighter...

She had RA in her 70s

She did all the forbiddances

She did all the medications

She did all the rehabilitations

She's a fighter...

She had to face the death of her own daughter

And she stood up, fought to walk again

She's a fighter...

She couldn't accept that she was getting sicker

But slowly,

She let us help her

She's a fighter...

When the CAP infected her

And all of her kids accompanied her

She fought...

With a decompensated heart and pulmonary edema

She was back to life

A life with NGT and catheters

And she didn't complain

She smiled everytime we talked to her

She's a fighter...

She had to face the reccurent urinary infection

She had to be hospitalized every 1 to 3 months

Yet she used to go home

She's a fighter...

The last time she was hospitalized

Everything was different

The symptoms, the room

Apparently she got Pseudomonas and HAP

And still, she fought for about a week

Then she was free from the suffering

Leaving us a big hole in our hearts

She's the strongest person I've known

For 84 years she had fought

for love and family

Living a silent and immobilized life

The one person who lived for others

The one person who watched us

The one person who loved us

She's my OMA...